LIES!

What 3 posts to start the new year off..go me, go me, go me LOL  I can’t say I’m gonna be the old honey and post everyday but this is way better than last year LOL

Anyone that knows me or has heard me talk knows that the phrase LIES is one of my favorite phrases .  I ususally say it when someone says something is unbelievable or just outrageous.  So anywho D and I have been randomly talking, I guess you could say trying to ease our way back into one anothers lives before we commit to one another again.  We both agreed that things would be different on both ends of the stick since both of us had issues the first go round.  I will admit that I held on to a friendship that was not healthy which at times lead me to not give him my full attention and he couldnt’ leave the ladies alone LOL

So flash forward to last weekend.  We’ve been chatting it up since I guess December, and things have been ok.  I haven’t been in a relationship since he and I broke up but he has (with an older woman) so being the person I am (an overthinker and over talker) I ask what’s the status of their relationship and he informs me that its over they still talk but its pretty much over.  He comes over, spends the night we talk as we’re preparing to leave and I’m asking random questions and he’s like there’s more to the story.  My first thought is she’s preg, I can’t deal with that right now.  I’m woman enough to admit that right now the space I’m in I can’t raise a child you had with someone while we were on a break.  Maybe I can deal with it later but not right now since I’m just getting over us.  So he’s like I didn’t wanna tell you cause I didn’t want you to be mad and I’m like what is it….I moved her in with me.  Face Drop..eyes big…what…she moved her stuff down to my apt.  Now mind you I know what its like to move in with a guy that you’ve known for less than a year.  Remember Musiq..yea.  So I know that its not a fly by night decision, I know that it takes some real feelings to do that.  Which causes a flood of thoughts to go thru my head.  All in the span of 5 min (yes that’s how I really think)  You mean you were living with her when I sent you that bday text back in Sept, you were living with her when you sent me that Happy Thanksgiving babe text, you were even living with her when I sent you a text to tell you that my neice had been born and you told me that you couldn’t wait till we got back together and started a family. LIES….ALLLLLL LIES!

I went from flabbergasted to angry to jealous all in 5 seconds as well.  Flabbergasted cause I had been asking all this time what was going on with them and he played it off like they were together but not really like that, cause here I am thinking she is up here in DC and he’s down there, angry cause he lied, he didn’t have to but he did, jealous cause she gets to see him and lay next to him every freakin day.  So now apparently its not working out for reasons that he told me but honestly I dont believe them. I think she moved down there saw how he was and at first he tried to change and it was ok but now its getting old.  Thats how it is when you move in with someone you try to develop a routine but if you aren’t careful you fall back into living like you live alone…and that’s not ok when you are living with someone who is suppose to be your life partner (cause that’s the only reason I would assume you would allow such a thing to occur but I could be wrong)

So I found out that they have been living together since pretty much Hurricane Irene and I recall that very weekend cause I got shut in with MM who didn’t want me driving back in the bad weather and the power went out.  So yea its been a minute, when did it exactly go wrong is what I want to know but honestly I’m tired of asking questions.  I told my BF I’m hurt, confused, angry, jealous and doing the best thing you never had dance all at once.  I love him, I can’t lie.  But if you are gonna not be honest with me when you have the opportunity to be (at the beginning when she first moved in not that you had to tell me) but we’ve talked since then.  During the convo I asked was this the reason that we weren’t kicking it more when he came in town and he admitted that it was cause sometimes when he comes up here she rides with him and since her car is down there he sometimes has to be her ride (since her mom doesn’t have a car and her sis works).  LIES..cause if you really loved me and wanted to be with me 1. you would NOT have moved another chic in 2. you would do what you had to do to prove to me that you had changed and 3. you would make an effort to be HONEST at all cost.  Now I’m not saying that things can’t go sour over night I know they can, been there done that got a postcard but I mean come on..I know D.  I think there is more to the story but I dont know if I wanna know it or if he is even gonna tell me….all I can think about is the LIES I was told while he was going back home to her….BLAH

Monday Musings…

I don’t even know if that’s the right word to use but this weekend was a serious meltdown in the honeylibra mind zone.  I realized that I can be over nice, which is a good thing but in the wrong hands a bad thing.  I’m not one who likes drama or arguments but it seems like dating seriously makes me question my sanity.

I mean one guy told me I’m still waiting on my date.  Um ok boo, you never really came out and asked.  How we gonna go on a date and you have no car.  I aint driving, how you gonna ask me on a date to my house..where they do that at? I understand times are hard but dang, there are so many things that can be done free or at a minimal cost and you wanna come to my house…NO lol

A guy I met thru my cuz (who is her cuz but not mine..if that makes sense lol) is seriously I think addicted to arguing (for blog purposes we’ll call him maintenance man).  Now MM is a cutie, tall, light and eyes that make me wanna come out the panties.  However I think he feeds off drama, he’s very into thinking that he knows everything about everybody and will apologize but not really apologize LOL which means that we’ve been in like two heavy discussions (I dont like calling them arguments) and we’ve stopped talking for like 2 weeks at a time and we haven’t even know one another for a year.  Last week we got into it becuase he’s been going thru a rough patch like we all do and I wanted to treat him to something special for his bday.  Well due to the rough patch he doesn’t really have anything to wear to such an outing and he proceeded to “go in” on me cause I kept telling him I wanted to take him out.  He said that I was being pushy and I knew his situation and having to explain it over and over was embarassing.  Now I will admit that I didn’t really get what he was talking about until he broke it down.  About how he’s a man and its embarassing to not be able to take me out and pay consistently blah blah blah…ok now I get it.  I will admit when I’m wrong, but going in on me is NOT the way to handle things.  I will shut down and shut you out and that’s what I did.  He apologized later but at this point I’ve already told myself F you, I’m done.  I aint asking you to chill no more, I almost went straight hood on him and tell him about how he’s a broke bamma and why do I need to deal with someone who is a MM..but that’s not nice and that’s not how I feel just wanted him to be hurt (then again he prob wouldn’t even be hurt lol)  This whole song and dance that we’ve done is just a sign that once again I do it to myself and it needs to stop..NOW

On to Baby Boy…I met him thru my cuz (as you can see she is on a mission to hook her Betty Boop up..that’s what she calls me) he works at her job and is 21 or 22, I can never remember lol.  We’ve chilled once, he’s like 6’3 and puerto rican..enough said LOL  I told him I feel like a lollipop kid around him cuase I’m so short and he’s so tall.  We get along great, he opens doors makes me laugh, even took the time to hang up pictures at my new apt.  However he does this weird deep breathing thing that annoys me.  It sounds like he’s asleep but he’s awake.  Now one of gf’s said that I was just trying to find a reason not to talk to him but I beg to differ he breathes like a 400 pd man I mean really I can’t take that while I’m tryin to watch a movie LOL  On top of that everytime we’ve made plans to chill, the first time his car got a flat, the second time an aunt ended up in the hospital.  We finally make plans to chill and i expected it not to work out but it did so I decided to give him half a chance.  Flash forward to last weekend we were suppose to go the movies….duh an aunt goes into labor. Now comes the I’m gonna make it up to you what you doing next weekend, oh nothing work..aight well we can go after you get off work (i did some OT which was much needed) i’m off work no BB you my friend are now on the ignore list.  I hate when folks are no calls and no shows, I mean dang technology is so vast now you could have gone anywhere and sent an email hell send a postcard.

So once again F em all LOL if I gotta sit home, go to the gym and go to church all after playing solitaire till my fingers are numb that’s what I’ll do cause dating SUCKS 🙂 

I’m Back…maybe

Its funny how I use to use this blog as a release, then it began to feel like a chore so i stopped. Well I need a release so here goes again…we’ll see how long it lasts.

Nothing new other than I’ve moved to another city in MD I can’t seem to get away LOL. Two more classes to go and I’ll be done with the paralegal certificate. I was going to go back for the spring semester but I decided that I only want to go to campus one day a week if I can help it so I’ll wait to see what the summer session offers.

D and I have been broken up for almost a year now. It went by fast. I was hurt at first and still tend to miss him at times. We’ve recently started talking again and have agreed that if we are drawn to one another again then we’ll see how it goes.

My younger sister recently had another baby..this time a baby girl. Its getting old but I love being an auntie so I will spoil muffin a ridiculous amount. I wonder when my sister will get tired of living the life that she lives but everyone has their own journey.

Dating sucks…sometimes I laugh because I realized that I allow most of the mess that comes my way. Probably because I hate to be bored, but as of recently I’ve decided that being bored and alone is way better than being with someone and being annoyed. So I’m gonna be alone and LOVE IT Darn it LOL Go to the gym more focus on church and whoever comes…comes

At least that’s what I’m telling myself we’ll see if I can stick to it LOL (at least i’m being honest)