Ok Ok I get it

Its funny how God works.  Funny how he knows I mean really knows your heart but since he sees the end and how things play out sometimes he has to work around you LOL

I’m not a very patient person, I want what I want and I want it now.  Sometimes I regret getting it and other times I just deal with getting what I’ve wanted too soon.

Apparently I wasn’t letting go and God decided to personally place me in a moment in time where I couldnt’ deny what was going on any longer.

“She called it off” he says…to which I reply (via text..technology can be awesome sometimes)…I dont care I reply…I dont feel sorry for you and I wish I did.  I have never felt this cold towards someone that I loved and still care for (well being wise) I can’t believe ANYTHING that comes out of your mouth you lie so much and that’s sad.  You’re gonna need me one day (I think to myself) and when you do, I dont be around.

I told him he didn’t owe me an explanation, cause I DONT CARE.  He replies I had been asking her about it for a few days and finally she said lets just call it off and cut our losses…once again i dont care..dont feel sorry for you…I want to actually laugh at your pain….mean I know but that’s how I honestly feel.

I tell him I’m praying for them to get thru it (I lie…cause I really want someone to rip his heart out) he says if he doesn’t he’s just gonna stay to himself…LIES he can’t be alone..we were together for almost 3 years and he knew her for almost a year…

While he’s talking I keep thinking imagine if that was you..getting ready to marry him, not knowing what he’s been doing.  I told him I hope he informed her of what he had been doing, if not God have mercy on your soul….

I told him take care….thanks for the lessons learned…took the day off from work and stayed in the bed…in one spot.  Got up to shower and eat, but I needed to just think about how I felt and nothing else…that day is over and its time for me to go on about my life.  No more crying over it or dwelling on it. Thats my rule…deal with how you feel…even cry for days but once you decide you are done with that…MOVE ON.  Think about it as less as possible until its 2 years later and you run into them on the street LOL

So I get it….lessons learned from this….things were not perfect between he and I…but being with him and not being with him taught me so much….I actually smiled on the way to work today..no apparent reason just smiled

So God I get it 🙂

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Moving Forward

So i’ve been holding on unable to let go.  I found out this weekend via a facebook status that was commented on that the ex is getting married in two months.  SLAP IN THE FACE!

If this doesn’t tell me to put on the big girl face and move on I dont know what wil..I confronted him.  Esp since he was talking to me no less than 2 weeks ago calling her his roommate.  He says he didn’t tell me cause its not for sure, but if you’re putting it on FB then its pretty sure to me…two months from now he will be someone else’s husband…SLAP IN THE FACE

I cried so much yesterday my eyes hurt.  I know that God is saving me from a marriage full of pain but right now i’m hurt.  At work wishing I were home but knowing that life has to go on.  Needing to move forward when you love someone so much it hurts is painful…i know it has to be done…i have to do it…I have to let him go…even if I dont want to..I HAVE to